I knew becoming a mother would change my life. I'm not stupid. But, really...the things that I find myself having to say to my children...it's really just frightening. Here's my top 10 (in no particular order):
1) "Do I look like a tissue? Please don't wipe your nose on me!"
2) "Do you have underpants on? Don't lie to me." <-- said with surprising regularity to the boy.
3) "Get that out of your mouth! Gross!"
4) "No, actually, I don't think the worm is cute."
5) "Yeah, well I want a LOT of things." <--- Said in reply to the inevitable "Mom, I want...."
6) "Quit chewing on your sleeves!" <--- I'm convinced the boy has an oral fixation. Half the time I feel like I'm talking to a puppy instead of a kid.
7) "No, you cannot ride the dog."
8) "Because Popsicles are not something you eat for breakfast!"
9) "Ew! Please don't lick me!"
...and now for my all time favorite:
10) "Dude, if you don't get your hand out of your pants, I'm going to take your penis away." <--- Oh, yeah. I've said that.
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