Friday, September 9, 2011

Things NOT to Say to a Pregnant Chick

1) "Look how big you're getting!" Yeah, thanks, pal. Because I hadn't noticed that while pulling on my elastic waisted pants over the mound of flesh that used to be my abdomen this morning. Ugh.

2) "You're going to breastfeed, right?" Excuse me, how is this ANYONE's business? Honestly? And the people that ask this can swear up and down that they're asking because they care about your kid's well-being, and how breastfeeding is best...I'm convinced it's just an excuse for nosey biddies to get all judgey on those of us that choose to bottle-feed. Yes, I'm selfish. I've already dedicated my body to this child for almost an entire year. I'm ready to be able to leave the house without worrying about whether I'll have to pump or feed or risk my boobs exploding. That being said, I have the utmost admiration for women that can commit to breastfeeding for any length of time without going bonkers. Hats off to you, ladies.

3) "Have you decided on a name yet?" This one really bugs me for some reason. I think it's because, when you tell people names that you're considering, they take this as an open invitation to give their opinion on those names. Yeah...I didn't ask if you liked the name, lady. It's not your kid, so I don't care if you knew a girl named _____ in middle school and she was absolutely terrible and you could never stand the name from that point on. That's nice. Make sure to scratch that name off of your list of potential baby names, then. I can't tell you how many people gave me negative opinions about the name Paige. Now that it's her name, all we get are compliments (and be honest...if you've met the girl, there isn't another name out there that suits her, right?!).

4) "How much weight have you gained?" This one really requires no explanation...and, yes, someone asked me this last week. My reply? A VERY arched raised eyebrow and a closed mouth.

5) "How are you feeling?" Ugh! This is the first thing everyone says to a pregnant woman. Do you really want to hear all of the things ailing me at the moment?! Do you?! My ankles swell up to the size of my calf almost daily resulting in my having cankles for the first time in my life. My child's foot/knee/elbow has taken up residence between 2 of my floating ribs on the left side resulting in pain while sitting, sleeping, standing, etc. Shall I continue?

6) "Oh, you're coming back to work?" Again with the judgey. Yes, I am coming back to work. As much as I would love to be the stay-at-home mom type, I just don't have that in me (even if it was financially realistic...which it just isn't right now). I tried it, and I was borderline depressed. There were days that the boy and I never got out of pajamas (and I'm not talking 1 or 2 days here and there...multiple days per week). It's just not my thing. We're all much happier now that we're not in each other's pockets constantly.  

7) "Was this a planned pregnancy?" This one usually comes immediately after first announcing that you're pregnant. How is this in any way appropriate, people? If it weren't a planned pregnancy, do you think I would want to discuss that with you?! Honestly...tact, people. Tact. Learn it. Use it.

8) "Are you going to have any more children?" Again, none of your business. And asking a woman that is 8 months pregnant this question...I can almost guarantee that her answer will be either "I don't know," or "Absolutely not." Also, there seems to be no answer to this question that satisfies the person asking. If you say yes, then they look at you like you're one of those families in Arkansas with 97 kids. One of my friends just had her first, and she and her husband are perfectly content with that. She actually got negative remarks from people when she said they probably weren't going to have any more. Ugh! BUTT OUT!

Sorry for the rant, but apparently these things needed to be pointed out because people can be a little stupid. The end.

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